I am getting married in just a matter of days. For the second time, that is. This is not my first rodeo as many of you know.
I am a second time bride. A little bruised, a bit nicked around the edges, not quite as glossy eyed and about as far from my twenty-three year old self as I could possibly get which was my age when I got married the first time around.
I have changed.
Why? What’s made me different than who I was at the age of twenty-three?
Let me clue you in…
The death of a baby. Do not underestimate how the death of your offspring can change who you are right to your core. The day Nina died a huge part of me died with her. And the Melanie that was born from that trauma… I don’t even have the words…
It’s been fourteen years since her death and I still can’t spend too much time reflecting on it or I… actually I’m not even sure what I’d do because I don’t allow the thought to begin with. Self preservation.
And then there were the in-between years which I can’t discuss because they were years of transition between my ex and I. Stuff that I can’t discuss because I promised I wouldn’t, but they are the fill in the blank years that would make my divorce seem more understandable if I could explain my side of the story, but I can’t.
It’s amazing how much of my life I can’t explain to you because of the obligations I feel for other people.
And then there was the accident. That was the seal the deal moment. When you face death everything becomes crystal clear. All the good and all the bad becomes an immediate black and white kind of thing. In that moment you know what is right in your life and what is definitely wrong.
I promised myself that if I walked again and if I had the strength to start over again, I would.
Which leads me to where I am today. Steps away from saying “I do” again.
My wedding will be a small celebration. Only my very closest family and friends will be attending because unlike the first time around, I’ve learned that for me, in my life, the people that matter the most are a small tight knit group of people who love me for who I am.
I’m only having a handful of blood family members at our wedding because another thing I’ve realized over the years is that blood does not make family. It only took about a hundred counseling sessions for me to learn that family is however you define it to be.
And in my case, too much of my blood family is toxic, hateful, judgmental and cruel.
The people I am celebrating my marriage with are the people who have proven over many years that they are there for me. And I for them, for that matter. My friendships are a beautiful give and take which will also be celebrated at our wedding.
These people who are coming, not only have they supported me, they’ve also supported The Colonel and let me tell you, The Colonel does not take that lightly. He is profoundly thankful for the support we’ve received and is looking forward to showering our wedding guests with a weekend of love and gratitude they won’t soon forget.
It will be a glorious affair filled with love, laughter, over the top food (are you surprised?) and so much music. Actually, The Colonel and I were so very particular about the music that we came up with our own list of songs that absolutely must be played at the wedding. We’re cut from the same cloth that way, apparently.
And because I’m going to be offline for a bit while we celebrate with family and friends, I thought I’d share our song with you. The first song we’ll dance to at our wedding…
If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see snaps from the wedding as it progresses. Otherwise, I’ll be back on the blog once everything settles down.
Thank you so much for supporting me. I know it’s been a year of change here on the blog, but know that we are SO excited for this new chapter and that we are completely thrilled to share this new life with you.