Have you ever squeezed fresh orange juice or ever juiced a lemon? You know how the insides get mashed and the fibers of the fruit are all frayed? That’s just about how I feel right now. Juiced.
We had our day in court yesterday. It was an excruciatingly long day that started with a hearing, not the trial we had anticipated. But for all intents and purposes, it felt like a trial. I testified. My husband testified. The driver testified. And there was aggressive cross examination. And it was so very mentally draining.
From morning until 5:30pm, it went on and on. There were breaks here and there so that we could all meet with our legal representation. Hushed whispers of negotiation that very much felt like selling my soul. Compromise to the point of concession that made me feel less of who I am and what I stand for.
In order to avoid going to trial, we cut a deal. A deal that in the end places no true fault on the defendant. And to be fair and less harsh on myself, that was not my choice. The judge delivered a continued without a finding which basically means no true assessment of guilt.
That’s not to say that there were no ramifications or penalties for the defendant, just no mark of guilt on a permanent record. And that was the most important thing to me. The very most important thing.
I wasn’t looking for jail time, nor was I looking for anything harsh. Just a declaration that the driver drove negligently. A declaration by a judge in a court of law.
And when I didn’t get that I felt defeated. Cracked in half.
The defense kept saying it was a tragic accident. That as much as it was a trauma for my family, it was just an accident.
An accident to me is maybe swerving off the road a bit. Hell, we’ve all done that, right? I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. We all make mistakes. Accidents do indeed happen.
But my view was that this was much more severe. But even with a police report to support my claims, in the end it was deemed just that. An accident.
Today I have mixed feelings.
Looking back on yesterday, the judge was truly fair. She took both sides of testimony into account and delivered a judgement that I might not have liked, but can respect. It was an impossible case to decide.
Full of emotion and tragedy on both sides of the courtroom, the judge did her best with an awful situation and did it with grace and wisdom. And for that I’m entirely thankful.
You hear these horrible stories about judges and the crappiness of the legal system, but I have to tell you that I couldn’t have asked for a better judge.
And the best part? My son didn’t have to testify. That was one of the best outcomes of yesterday. Even though I spent good money on nice dress slacks, shirt and belt for him, he didn’t have to do anything other than sit there and listen. He looked good doing that though.
That son of mine. I’m so very proud of him. And Michael too. They sat in that courtroom all day long along with their father and supported me. I have no words to express how that helped me.
So it’s over. Truly. We can all put this on our mental shelf of tragedies, and move on.
Thank you all for putting up with these posts. I know they have been draining. But these posts have helped me sort out my feelings. They’ve also left a written accounting of the accident for my children and their children.
Also, I hope they’ve helped you see that as much as life sucks sometimes, recovery is possible. And that while life is not always fair, it doesn’t have to be for you to find peace and pockets of happiness.
Much love to you all.
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I’m sorry to hear that the decision wasn’t harsher on the driver like you wanted, but thank goodness its over. You know what he did and I’m sure he knows it too. Hugs!
Thank you Suzanne. My hope is that the driver will be more aware of their driving for the rest of their life. I imagine that this will stick in their mind for a long time.
It can be frustrating when you leave a case without feeling like it came out totally just. But I applaud how magnanimous you are about it. I wish more people could understand that there isn’t always a perfect outcome and we have to be grateful for every victory we can. And it sounds like you got some important victories, which makes me very happy for you and for your son.
Mostly, I’m glad you can finally put it behind you. It’s been a long year for your family, but you have come SO far. Congrats to you and good health.
Thank you Jessica. Yes, it’s very difficult to accept a judgement that doesn’t seem totally fair. But the word fair itself has different meanings for different people. One thing that I’ve kept in mind throughout the legal process is that there have been victims of greater crimes that have received less justice. Not that it’s a good thing. It’s just my leavening agent when I get discouraged.
I’m sorry that you did not get the 100% outcome that you deserved but I’m glad that the process is over. It may take time for the stress to fade and for the feelings of closure to kick in though. And the judge’s grace and fairness??? Not a patch on your own and your family’s, with a great dollop of dignity on top!
I too am happy it’s over. I have so many goals and tasks for the coming year. I needed this to come to an end so that I could focus on the now and the things to come. Thank you for supporting me!
Oh Melanie! I’m so sorry that you did not get the outcome you so deserved, but I am happy that you and your family can finally move on. You are so strong and wise for having gone through such a tragedy. My prayers are that you will find peace and complete restoration. I am proud of you, my friend!
Thank you Sonya for those prayers. They have sustained me. xoxo
I’m certainly no legal expert, but I’d say indeed the driver did not INTEND to violently run into you, so in that regard it was an “accident.” But what she (he?) was doing that distracted her/him so completely while driving was a CHOICE with consequences and in that regard it isn’t something as a parent I would call an accident.
I am sorry things didn’t turn out exactly the way you’d hoped in court, but I hope you now have closure. You’ve already moved on and become a stronger person because of this. So many of us are in awe at what you’ve accomplished and how you’ve healed. YAY, Melanie (and your son too)!
I agree. She did not seek me out to do harm. But the word accident is such an odd word, isn’t it? It sounds so happenstance. Like, oops. Maybe it’s the word that I have issue with. We need a different word for events that cause irrevocable consequences.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I so appreciate them. I do feel stronger in some ways. And that is a good thing.
It sounds like the judge is not the only one that handle this graciously. I’m not so sure I could be as resolved as you are now.
Court situations are difficult, at best. And now, it’s behind you.
I trust all sides can move on and grow.
Best thing of all? You’re still here for you family and friends, and well, your readers.
Yes! Agreed. I’m so happy to still be here parenting my kids, living life, and writing about it. I’m very blessed.
i’m so sorry to hear the outcome wasn’t what you wanted it to be but glad that at the very least your son didn’t have to testify and that it was a fair trial. i’ve been reading your blog since the accident and my heart aches for your family having to go through all of this again. i’m so glad that this is finally over for yall.
Thank you Missy. I’m glad you stuck around. I’m sure this got tiring to read after awhile.
It was news of your accident that brought me to your blog. I was reading another blog (not even sure which one at this point) and the author mentioned you and the accident and how lovely a person you are and how it just sucked that something like this happened to you. So I followed a link here and dug into the archives and read and read and read and learned so much about you and your family and found myself a bit smitten by you and your style of blogging.
I’m happy this chapter is behind you now. I’m thankful your son did not have to testify. And I’m extremely grateful that you and your son are here! Best wishes for moving forward! ♥
Awww Krista, thank you so very much. It makes me so happy that people find something enjoyable about my writing. Sometimes blogging is so one sided because it’s hard to judge if you are resonating with people or not. It is wonderful to hear when you connect with someone. Rewarding even. Thank you!
I, for one, am truly disappointed. I had hoped that the penalty would be commensurate with the effect of nearly, oh so very nearly, killing someone. The difference between settling for the adjudged verdict and manslaughter seems to be the fighting spirit of the victim. Go, Melanie!
Thank you Ranger. You have been such a constant source of support. Your comments are always so thoughtful and inspired.
Wow Melanie…I’m glad this is over for you! I hope you can seek peace now. On another note, I absolutely love that last paragraph..it speaks volume to me. I know I’ve told you this before but you really are an inspiration!! xoxox
Thanks! I’m glad it inspires you. Sharing the ups and downs of my life has been therapeutic for myself and I figure that if I share my experiences with the world, maybe others can learn something too? Not that I handle everything well, but even when I don’t, those are lessons learned too.
Thank you so much for the detailed update Melanie. I am so very happy that it is over for you and your son; especially glad he didn’t have to testify! I was praying for you both all week long. I agree with your other loyal readers above; you and the judge handled this with perspective and grace. I pray all of you can truly put this behind you. You have made a remarkable recovery in the last 13 months since being struck by the car. I pray the next 13 months bring you many pockets of happiness!
Those prayers are the reason why I’ve come as far as I have. There is no other explanation for it. Thank you for praying for me.
I’m so glad this is over for you all. It stinks that it didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped (which I think you are justified in feeling) but thank God non of you have to relive this in court again. And your comments about your boys made me tear up. They obviously love their Mama and know how lucky they are to still have you around. That’s a blessing all by itself! Peace to you as we move into…the weekend. Yippee! And soon back to school.
Thanks! Hooray for back to school! We still have a few weeks, but the countdown has started!!
Hi melanie, what did the defendent get? Jail time? Community service?
I’m not at liberty to share the details, but there was no community service or jail time. I wouldn’t have asked for jail time anyway. There have been greater crimes committed that haven’t received jail time, so I wouldn’t ask for that in this situation.
I love you. might sound silly coming from someone you have never met and that you know nothing about but its true. I have read your blog since before this all happened and you give so much of yourself in your posts. Thank you so much for your honesty, humor, wit, knowledge, passion and love. You make it so easy to feel like a friend and I am so glad this is all over! Hugs!
Thank you for that! How wonderful of a comment! I look at this blog as one big giant penpal letter. It brings me great joy that you get what I’m trying to send out there. That means that I’m getting my message across. Thank you so much for that!
Melanie, You are an incredible woman. I lost my Mom to cancer around the time you were hit by the car, but had been following you for awhile…. I love to save money. You have been a source of strength for me. Your posts are a testament to your faith and an example to me in how to live with a positive attitude. My cup is generally half empty and I’m often depressed. I love to read your posts and see your progress, it always encourages me and sometimes makes me laugh, often makes me laugh. Thank you…. Praise God for this resolution, I’ll be praying for your acceptance of it and the ability for you to move on and your family to move on. Thank you again for being you and sharing yourself <3
I’m so sorry for your loss Kathy. I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been for you.
I can understand why you’d be depressed. What a tragic loss. It takes time to deal with loss. It was a full year after the death of my daughter before I could even feel color in my life again. It will come. Just slowly. Sending prayers your way. Thank your for reading my blog. It’s readers like you that make it worth it.
Melanie I’m blown away that you would even respond to my comment and then encourage me! Your an incredible woman, once again thank you for sharing yourself with us your readers and I pray today was a better day….. lobster rolls again? Ultimate comfort food! That’s another thing… you make me want to cook! Everything you make, you make it look so easy! I have yet to be motivated to do much in that way, but you really make my mouth water with some of your posts and I’m really pleased and happy you were able to have fresh home grown produce this year, I wonder if it’s because your home more? Anyway, well done! God Bless You Dear Melanie!
I am so happy that your son didn’t have to testify and that you have closure and peace now.
Thank you. I’m entirely thankful for that too.
I’m so sorry you didn’t get the outcome you wanted or deserved. But your attitude is positive and the right one and what has gotten you to this point of strength today, I am sure. The person who harmed you and your son will have to live with this the rest of his life and I hope the proceedings served as a reminder of that yesterday, to him and everyone in the court room. Cars are weapons and people need to use them carefully. Hugs.
Yes, I keep emphasizing that to my oldest who is learning to drive. A car is indeed a weapon when used carelessly. An important thing to understand.
Hi Melanie. That sound like such a trying event to go through. I am very sensitive and emotional myself so I can only imagine the emotions you were feeling. I am very new to your blog and have read various posts about your accident. It’s such a blessing that you are here with us today to share your life! One question…was the driver drunk or just careless?
Welcome Kendra. So happy to have you here. No, the driver was not drunk. Just distracted which can have the same results unfortunately.
Thanks much, so glad to be here! Your blog is so informative! I am a creative ADHD type and my sister keeps telling me that I should blog about something. I don’t know where to begin, but after reading about your life, I’m warming up to the idea. I really do love visiting your page! The ideas, the savings and the recipes…OH MY!! Thanks for the reply and see ya again soon. xoxo
So sorry it wasn’t the outcome you wanted, but I’m glad that your body has healed so well.
Thank you Jane. It’s been a real miraculous recovery. My surgeon said I exceeded his expectations. I had planned to from the start.
I’m glad for you that it is over and that it’s a result that you can live with. I’m just glad that you are better and that this is done.
Thank you. Amen to that.
You are being too gracious, sucking up, and continuing with a burden that could have been lessened by putting this on some sort of record that will at least make a more lasting impression on the driver. Now, he is free of guilt and will, undoubtedly continue his reckless ways because he got away with almost killing you and possibly your son. You deserve to be angry about this.
People who text and drive have accidents. Yes, and it’s their fault. He was at fault no matter what took his attention from driving safely.
At least your son did not have to testify. I am sure with his ne driver status and interest in girls, those nice clothes will be used in the future.
The first time I ever came to your blog was the first day someone else wrote for you, that you were hit by a car.
Well, that’s where I’m torn. This person by appearances is not irresponsible by nature. At least I don’t think so. I doubt it will happen again. Yes, there was an enormous lapse of judgement on their part, but I don’t think this person is a danger to society. On that one day, yes. But I think they have learned to never take their eyes off the road again. That’s my hope, anyway.
Mel, after all of what you’ve been through with this ordeal I’m glad for you that it is over. I’m sure it’s something that will be on your mind forever, but it will fade (hopefully) someday to that very back part of the brain that holds all the terrible memories that we don’t want to remember but will never forget. You’ve come a heck of a long way and now you can move forward without looking back.
And by the way, loving this site more and more with every post. It was the couponing that originally took me to your site years ago; however, it was the way you write and the variety of posts that keep me reading each and every one. Glad you moved to this format and it seems like it although it may have been a coincidence, it surely shows how much has changed, and definitely for the better. Love to you and yours always.
I can only echo the words of the others… I’m so happy your son didn’t have to testify. And I’m so sorry you didn’t get the desired outcome. I’m so glad it’s over though. It will be a blessing to get to peak into your world in this next year and watch the healing process deepen even more so. I love you Mel. I love reading you.
Glad your son didn’t have to testify, but he probably wanted to. I would have if it were my Mom. I know my sons would have wanted to, also. Wish things had gone the way you wanted them to, but at least there was some justice served.
In my opinion, the driver should have at least had his license taken away or suspended for a considerable amount of time.
You can begin to now put this behind you and start to heal emotionally. Being the person that you are, I can see that you will also forgive with time.
P.S. No one really wants to hurt someone with their car; that’s why they’re called accidents. They just don’t ever think it will happen to them.
I hear you about the license suspension. I was hoping for some type of penalty that way. But the courts do not have the authority to revoke or suspend a license. The DMV is the only entity that can do that. Odd, right?
I’ve hesitated to write as – to be honest – I have been struggling with my emotions regarding your case. I know that in all things, God’s got this; however, no admission of guilt is hard to swallow. I am just trusting that justice (in its own way) will be served, regardless of the time.
Thankful that this chapter is closed even though the scars remain.
Hope L
OH
Seriously disappointed for you. How can someone do that and not receive a permanent mark is beyond my comprehension. Knowing myself, I would have raged at that verdict. But you took the high road and that is what is important. I think the fact that your son witnessed it and watched you bleeding so badly in the back of an ambulance is what makes it so unbelievable. And makes me so angry. Glad you have a conclusion to this chapter. May the Goddess heal the scars that are beneath the skin and on the soul.
We have 2 young children with another on the way, and I haven’t been able to keep up with blogs the way I used to/like
I was thinking of you the other day and curious what all happened with this. I have to say, I’m really frustrated for you that someone can hit another responsible person with their car when they are out for a walk with (what feels like to me) minimal ramifications… however, for you and your family, I am glad it is over. I’m glad your son didn’t have to testify, and I’m sorry that you had to. I’m sorry you all had to deal with this, and then be raked back over it again. And most of all, I’m sorry it ever happened. Hope you and your family are doing well and I’ll try to keep up with reading better 
I had “another” and then I felt like it needed a “responsible” in there… but to clarify, I do NOT feel like the driver was being responsible.
Thank you so much Heidi. I’m glad to hear from you.
Yeah, it was a rough decision, but I was powerless to change it. I take comfort in the fact that I’m still alive and pretty much back to normal. Sure, I have aches and pains, but all things considered, I’m doing ok. Thank you for checking in. 