Dear Mom and Dad, please skip this post. Dear gentle reader, if you are easily offended, you too should skip this post. Matter of fact, you all might want to skip this one. I’m about to go all TMI on you.
Still with me? Clear all liquids away from your computer, iPhone and tablet. If nothing else, don’t drink liquids while reading this post. You’ll thank me later.
Here at BlogHer, brands come to promote their new products. The newest and greatest products which they hope us bloggers will write about. Usually I wait until I get home to give the stuff a whirl. Sure, I might snarf down a granola bar, or cup of yogurt on the expo floor, but the rest I pack away until I get home.
That said, tonight I was getting ready to go to an event hosted by Harley Davidson motorcycles. I had spent most of the day working at the conference and needed to freshen up a bit. Because let’s be real, who wants to straddle a Harley without feeling fresh? Right, no one.
So, I grabbed a package of Poise Cooling Towelettes which I was given today. That was mistake number one.
Now, as you can imagine, I’m a little OCD. A normal person would either use one wipe or take a fruit loopin’ shower. Me? I use three wipes. I was meeting a girlfriend in the lobby and I was running late. I grabbed three wipes and swipe, swipe, swipe, the job was done. Mistake number two.
And at first it was awesome. It was a little tingly like what I imagine KY Intense might feel like. Refreshing and a little zingy. Fun.
Two minutes later my hoo-hoo felt like I had a good case of rug burn.
Three minutes later I felt like it was lit on fire with kerosene, nail polish remover, and a blow torch.
Five minutes later I was grabbing whatever paperwork I could find to fan my flames. I could not fan fast enough and the room air conditioner was of no help. Mistake number three, but I’m not about to explain why. You’re welcome.
Already late, there was nothing else that could be done. Off to the Harley event I went. Burning, in tears and wishing I could toss myself into the Hudson river.
Ironically, the expression on my face in this picture was not dissimilar to the expression on my face after cleaning up with the wipes.
After about an hour and a half, the burning sensation went away. Thank God. I was able to ride the Harley and life was good. No harm, no foul.
It wasn’t until I got back to the hotel and shared my story with my friend over at The Bearded Iris that I found out what the problem was.
The Poise Cooling Towelettes are made for swabbing your neck and other areas of your body that are afflicted by hot flashes. In teeny tiny print on the back of the package it clearly states not for use in the intimate areas. It doesn’t get much more intimate than your hoo-hoo folks.
What’s the takeaway? Never assume. It makes an ass out of you and me, and can plum burn yours off if you wipe it with Poise Cooling Towelettes.