This past weekend I did a little antiques shopping. Now to be certain, I’m not an antiques lover. Sure, I appreciate the history of antiques and enjoy learning about their history, but an antique collector I am not.
However, I’ve been on a quest to find some interesting pieces of flatware for my food photography arsenal. Not having much luck at yard sales or flea markets, I thought the next best place to look would be an antiques store.
I found a nice shop off of an old country road with lots of junk cool stuff strewn all over the front lawn.
The shop didn’t have a musty smell as I anticipated it would. It smelled of apples and cinnamon and had a warmth to it that made me feel all cozy.
I had great fun exploring the different coves which dealers rented to display their wares. Fragile dolls with now yellow and faded lace trim, old time fishing reels, oil paintings in glorious gilded frames, chamber pots, old blue Ball canning jars and of course all kinds of housewares.
At first this was great fun. So much history at my fingertips. But then I started to think about things as I often times do and I got a bit sad.
The lovely yellow earthenware bowl I was flirting with buying…
Whose kitchen did that come from? What did she/he make with it? Chocolate chip cookies? Spice cake? Pie dough?
And who were they baking for? Was it a joy to cook or a chore? Did the kids ask to lick the bowl?
This stuff had a story to tell. It all came from someone’s home, but now it’s on the shelf of an antiques store.
It made me take pause. What about the kids and family members who were the beneficiaries of the meals this stuff was made for? Didn’t they want to pass that grand bowl down to future generations? Wasn’t it a vessel of treasured memories?
Why was it here collecting dust on an old wooden shelf after it gave so much joy and service to others?
Which of course led me to think about my own kitchen stuff….
My KitchenAid. My right hand lady in the kitchen. Will she be valued by my kids or my grandkids? Will anyone in my downline share my passion for cooking and baking?
My collection of muffin tins. Will the kids have fond memories of all the baked goods I’ve created? Enough to keep them off the antique store shelves?
Surely, someone will value my pots and pans that have been used to nourish them all of these years. Right?
And my dear collection of Nordicware pans. Oh, how I enjoy using the different styles to make my baked goods look that much more lovely.
But here’s the thing….
It is quite possible that none of my offspring will acquire my love of crafting in the kitchen. I look at my own mother. While I admire her for many many things, cooking wasn’t one of her skills. It didn’t define her.
Does it define me? Should it? Should I even care where my housewares end up? Antique store, yard sale, eBay, does it really matter?
Part of me says yes. That I hope my kids care enough about that part of my legacy to save those things that I hold so dear. That the memories from those kitchen tools bring back happy memories of gathering around the table with family for a delicious meal.
But another part of me wonders if that’s the legacy they will remember? Will they look at those tools as my passion and not theirs? My kitchen treasures just might have a similar fate to that yellow earthenware bowl that I left behind at the antiques store.
That I will be left behind on the shelves of an antique store for others to look at and wonder about my history.
How about you? Do you feel the same way? Or does it not really matter to you? Do you have any special items that remind you of someone who passed? Do you feel that it’s part of their legacy?
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I have been struggling with this as I attempt to thin out the amount of “stuff” we have. I am a person who treasures items once owned and used by people who are no longer with us. I know that I can’t keep every single thing; it hurts my heart to have to decide what to keep.
I hope that our daughter will want to keep the little yellow card box, filled with stained and tattered pieces of paper with recipes scribbled on them, which sits on my kitchen shelf. It belonged to my grandmother, who I never knew very well, and then lovingly cherished by my own mom, who we lost a year ago. It is my link to both of these very strong women, and I hope it will link our kiddo to them as well.
I have my maternal grandmother’s file box of recipe’s & my paternal grandmother’s copy of the White House cook book. Don’t know if my son will feel much about them since he never knew them, perhaps someday he will find something of mine that passes along through the family, it is hard to know.
I think the older I get the easier it is to part with stuff at least my own stuff.
Well that is an encouraging thought. Maybe I’ll want to get rid of some of this stuff before my time’s up. I also wonder about the recipes and cookbooks. Will the kids want to make some of their childhood favorites someday?
I bet that file box of yours is filled with some special recipes. Have you made many of them?
I love the sentiment behind your comment because I can totally relate to it. Family recipes are a gift that keep on giving. We may not be here for very long, but those recipes sort of keep us going awhile longer. Even if it’s just in appreciation of a really good recipe.
And I’m so very sorry about the loss of your Mom. I can’t even comprehend that kind of loss.
Even in the comments I read above, I note the word “stuff.”
While I completely understand the point of your post and your own concerns, it is not the stuff that defines us or even the stuff that must be held to recall loving memories. Sometimes, one loses stuff (like in a fire or hurricane as so many have experienced right here in the US in the recent past) without intent, and sometimes it is passed along either for others to better utilize or because one can make a buck or two on the market.
I just wanted to say that those of us who don’t “treasure the stuff” are not necessarily not treasuring the people or their memories.
Agreed which is why I used the word stuff so many times in the post. I recognize that’s exactly what it is. And I also agree that it’s entirely possible and preferable to remember people for who they were and the mark they left on other’s lives.
At the same time, there are treasured heirlooms that are passed from generation to generation and it’s ok (in my opinion) for those things to have value too.
It was just a post reflecting on the fact that what’s treasured by myself may not be treasured by my children. And that what I think is my legacy may be different in their eyes.
Absolutely! I totally “got that” from your post. Just wanted others to know those of us who don’t hang on to the stuff may still be treasuring the memories.
One of the oddest things I still have from my great-grandmother (because it is so useful to me) is a folding clothes drying rack. I have a handheld magnifying glass and pair of scissors from my father. Not particularly memorable items, or even items which “defined” him in any way, but again useful to me now. I think of them both when I use their things.
My Nonna had one of those old clothes drying racks. I remember her hanging her pasta on it, lol. And I hear what you are saying. People remember in different ways. I guess the most important thing is that people remember at all.
I love the idea that one day my favorite possessions may end up strewn all over an old antiques shop! Every time I go into an antique store or a garage sale and find a treasure that is old and beautiful, I feel like I am adding a piece of history to my home. I love the idea that I may be bringing life back to items that someone loved a long time ago. I can appreciate the idea that not all the things I love will have sentimental value to the people I one day leave behind. However, the idea that my favorite vase may one day be a complete stranger’s favorite vase is completely fascinating to me. I think of my own “collection” as a compilation of bits and pieces of people from the past and it is incredibly comforting to me to think that one day, a piece of me may be part of someone else’s cherished collection.
What an amazing thought. I never looked at it that way. It’s quite beautiful,really. Thank you so much for sharing that perspective.
I do have special items that remind me of someone who passed-Vintage Pyrex mixing bowls that were my Gramma’s. I have a lot of memories of my Gramma and those mixing bowls, memories that I take comfort in on sad days when I miss her. Although I am very protective of the bowls, I use them quite frequently in the kitchen with my children. A few weeks back one of my favorite bowls of the bunch broke, I spent over an hour on the kitchen floor crying, picking up the shards. I know the bowls are essentially just stuff, and I have been laughed at over how protective I am of them, but they were a part of my childhood too. My Gramma loved those bowls, and I love them now-not only for their purposefulness but also for the happy memories of my childhood they invoke. I hope that someday my son or daughter (or both) might want these bowls, that the bowls will hold special memories for them as well.
Oh Ashley, I know how that feels. That happened to me too. One of my sons knocked a treasured plate and a pie plate off the counter at the same time. Both were irreplaceable. And while it was just stuff, it broke my heart and I cried too. By the way, those vintage Pyrex bowls are a hot commodity right now. Good for you for even using them. I’m reluctant sometimes to use my favorite pieces lest they break!!
I think that when you are an avid baker or cook it by all means defines, and not in a bad way. I grew up in an old Italian household where the kitchen was always and still is the center of the party. Your children will never forget their homemade birthday cakes, smells from the kitchen during the holidays, and your homemade soups when they were sick. Out of four children, I am sure that one of them will acquire the baking/cooking gene but it could be once they begin raising their own family. Hopefully you will still have your kitchen items to be able to pass along.
For the past ten years I have been using my grandfather’s (who recently passed) Kitchen Aid, but upgraded last year to the same KA as you. When I was putting the mixer away, my 4 year old daughter asked me if I could save that for her for when she grows up. It brought me to tears, and will in fact be put in her hope chest!
Awww, that is so sweet that your daughter covets your mixer.
I think of all my kids, Michael is the most likely to want my kitchen stuff. The girls barely like to eat food and Aidan could care less about cooking. I hope Michael has a very big kitchen in the future. You know, my first KitchenAid is still sitting in the basement. It was the first gift my husband ever gave me. Most women would’ve been offended, but we were still dating and I was over the moon about that mixer. I felt bad leaving it behind for the shinier new one. Sort of like a mid-life crisis where you trade in your trusty old minivan for a shiny new corvette. Vrroom vvroooooom.
I think Andrea hit the nail on the head.
And Ashley has both my sympathy and my understanding.
One way I have learned to deal with all the “stuff” is to photograph it. With digital photography it is easy to take a pic and hold onto that image, which then complements the memory. When it comes time to let an item move on in the world I still have the photograph. Many of those pics are finding their way into digi-scrapped pages.
And that idea of the item moving on in the world is true. Back in college, a gal in my dorm was throwing out all sorts of stuff before flying home after her graduation. I went dumpster-diving and pulled out a little round, blue, ceramic container which, 30 years later, holds Q-tips in my bathroom. To her it was trash; to me it was a find and I still love that silly little thing.
We’re currently administering the estate of a maiden aunt. She named more than a dozen heirs living in eight states. We had hoped that all of her heirs would want at least one or two tangible mementos to go along with their monetary inheritance. Some did, some didn’t. But they will all get copies of family photographs, letters and recipes to do with what they will.
In the past 12 months seven of our family members died – three aunts, three cousins and my sister. For all of them, what I treasure most are the photographs of them and any and all written items – cards, letters, recipes, e-mails. Yes, we also have some of their “stuff”, which I am grateful for. The one thing I wish I had more of is recordings – audio and video. And I deeply wish they had shared and written down their own stories, in their own words.
A great many of our aunt’s possessions left the family. Who knows? Perhaps one of them was in that antique store you visited and might end up in a food photo shoot of yours, shared on the internet, downloaded to computers and printed out to accompany the recipe which – a generation later – someone will still be cooking, enjoying and looking at that image of what was once our family heirloom!
Thanks, as always, for sharing your adventures and your heartfelt thoughts and feelings Melanie…
Lee, that is a brilliant idea and I think I’ve pretty much done that with my blog. Really a great thought. When the accident happened and I wasn’t sure if I was going to pull through, a comforting thought was that I have this blog to leave to them. A diary that held my recipes and thoughts. Really, that is much better than leaving them a pot.
I’m so sorry for all of the losses you’ve suffered as of late. That is an awful lot to deal with emotionally. I mean, a real lot. And having to deal with their possessions sounds like a logistical challenge. Honestly, I can’t even imagine how you deal with that.
You’re right. It is a great deal to handle. But I do it all with a wonderful husband, a treasured extended family that understands the healing power of laughter, a fine therapist and a whole lot of gratitude – even through the tears that do come. Thank you Melanie!
I never thought about it like that, it definitley gave me a new perspective! I dont keep anything but my brother still has my grandpas pillow (uses many many pillowcases) and cant sleep without it. I feel like certain items always hold sentimental value and with your love of baking im sure your kitchen tools will be something they want to keep.
Isn’t it funny the things we cling to in remembrance? My mom (still here) gave me a pair of her boots from the 70′s. They are suede, stained, and very outdated. BUT I hold onto them because they remind me of her. They are packed away in the attic somewhere and I doubt I’ll ever toss them. Too many memories attached to those boots.
Great post Melanie! It is thought and memory provoking about my ancestors, my kids and our legacy. Whether objects, digital pix or writings, recipes; all of these can be the memories of those who have gone before us and how we are remembered to the family in the generations to come. Thank you for evoking such a meaningful discussion. I hope you are saving all of these posts and pix for your own children and grand-kids! Great comments above too.
Yes, this post generated some really good conversation. I’ve really enjoyed it. And yes. I have a bazillion images and even pen and ink journals to leave behind for my kids. I imagine those will be appreciated.
I love getting kitchen items from an antique store! I also hold the items and wonder,”Who owned this, what kinda of meals did they make for their own family with this, was it one of this favorite kitchen items, did it get passed on and then passed off”. So much history in some items.
It is amazing to see all of the old time kitchen tools. I found several tin pie plates that I almost purchased. Actually I left with nothing which is so unlike me. Next time.
Antique stores make me sad. I see all the usable items that people cast off, sometimes for the newer and shinier replacement. I, too, slow down and wonder what mother used this, how she acquired it–handed down, as a premium for buying something, a gift from a lover or child, so many possiblities. But, I bring a few things home and treasure them best I can. I like my stuff, tangible memories.
I gave my grandmother a gift of a pretty porcelain leaf that was a spoonrest for the stovetop. When she died, Mama retrieved it because she remembered that when I was about 6 the spoonrest had been a gift from me. I treasured that for a dozen years. When I broke it, I sobbed, heartbroken. My husband glued it back together perfectly. I still have the glued-together trinket that I gave as a gift and got back. It has a 50-year history with me.
Somedays, I think it is baggage I could shed. But, why should I? There is nothing else I can remember at this moment that I own that belonged to her.
Right, why should you? Even if it gives you a small bit of joy, we might as well take joy any way we can get it, right? I’m a stuff person. I have a hard time getting rid of things that have a memory attached to them. I’m not a hoarder, but still, I could stand to thin things out a bit.
And if something reminds you of your Grandma, then I’m with you. Keep it and cherish the memory. Ok, I need chocolate. I’m getting emotional….
Correction: The spoonrest has a 60 year history with me.
I have an old fashioned meat grinder from my grandmother. My grandmother was very poor, she didn’t own anything that she didn’t use. My Mom inherited it when us kids where growing up. She made homemade ham(bologna) salad with this grinder every week from leftover luncheon meat. My Mom and my grandmother are both passed now and I have the meat grinder. My son is 17, and he loves my homemade ham (bologna)salad. He now has started making it himself. Everytime we get the grider out I feel the presence of my mom and grandmother while I’m telling my son stories of my childhood. The grider goes to my son Will. He already treats it as his own.
Holy crud you made me cry. Are you from the midwest? That’s the only place I’ve ever had ham salad. A very Michigan thing. I love that Will appreciates the history of it and also the delectable spread. A boy after my own heart.
Yes, I’m from southern Indiana. I have been learning Will to cook since he could be in the kitchen with me, he is my only child. I have always wanted Will to be self sufficient, and he really loves to cook. Lately his has been trying his hand at baking, and he’s doing a pretty good job.
That is awesome. I wish I had more time to do that with my sons. Teaching kids to cook is so good for so many different reasons. Sure, the extra cleaning up sort of stinks, but the skills they learn are worth the mess.
I have just one special thing passed to me from DH’s grandmother. My mom is not a great cook and I will not be getting anything from her. I love to cook, but do not have anything that I will be passing on to my son(except my recipe collection from my grandmother) if he wants it.
Yup, those recipe collections are worth passing down. A piece of history that lives on.
Melanie, this is why it’s tough for me to go into these types of places lately. I guess I’m getting wicked sentimental in my old age, but I look at beautiful old oil portraits and think…why is that here? Why is there a family photo album? Did the family die out? Did they lose their possessions? And still I have a hard time repurposing my own parents’ photo albums. What does one do with those things? If I had kids, that’d be one thing, I could pass them on. But I don’t and neither does my brother. We are the end of the line…and I guess that makes me a bit sad
Oh Janet, I can totally see why that would make you sad. I would feel the same way. There’s a lot of stuff we treasure that will mean nothing to others. Pictures of my friends are precious to me, but my kids are not going to want to save them. Much of my stuff like that will be tossed, I’m sure. And I have the same issues as you when I see oil paintings and old photo albums at flea markets. So sad that they aren’t treasured. Sniff.
memories from our families. What a gift. I am short of words, but I read all the comments. I am actually crying right now, all the stories are so beautiful!
Oh no!! No crying!! Some great comments for sure. I have the most thoughtful readers!
This addition to your blog left me crying, Mel, but it brought back a lot of memories.
When my mother passed on, we went to the family home and each of us decided what we wanted and got to decide who would have what. I took my Mom’s cookbooks and recipe files and many of her cooking utensils and fingerwork (doilies, linens, etc. all hand-worked by her). I even found some linens that my father’s mother had embellished.
I am an old-fashioned kind of girl and love the memories and history of these things. I do not think that my son’s will want any of these things and their ladies are so into the age of technology that I truly thing there will be a huge yard sale when I am gone.
On a happier note, I have all of those wonderful Greek and Lithuanian recipes that my mother so lovingly made. I can roll my own filo dough and make bakalava and spanikopita with the best of them. My sons are both great cooks and I have shared these recipes with them.
Recently I woke up from a dream of my mother and the taste of a special recipe for pastitsio that she developed from an old family recipe. It was also one of the few recipes that I had never watched her make. Every day a new taste would arrive in my memory and I wrote it down. I think I have all of the components in place, I just have to play with the ingredients and try to get the amounts of each correct. I can hardly wait until I can reproduce this treasured recipe and surprise my family with it at the next family reunion.
I find it so amazing that a meal can bring back such strong memories in me that I can actually taste them in my mind.
First of all, I’m sorry over the loss of your mom. That’s so sad. But I’m happy that you got some things that help you remember her in a physical way. I imagine that helps.
I big puffy heart love pastitsio. If you perfect it, please pass the recipe on. And a meal can bring back so many memories. Food in general is a powerful thing. You can express love through making it and you can remember love when eating it. Maybe not the most mentally healthy thought, but true. Like my all time favorite movie Like Water For Chocolate. Have you seen it? Amazing.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate that comment. So very thoughtful.
I have not seen that movie, but will see if the library has it and put it on my list. It might even be on demand. I will be sure to send you the recipe when it is ready. It seems that some things that I see or hear will produce a memory or a flavor. It seems so strange to me, but my mother and I were very close and it’s as if she is sending me little messages from heaven like some people who have passed on drop quarters in front of their loved ones.
I have treasures that I have inherited, but as I don’t have any children they will likely be scattered to the four winds with a few maybe reaching close relatives. But there is nothing I love more that taking something that someone has owned and give it a new life and love. I do get great pleasure in imaging the kind of life the former owner of a pot or dish had. What was she like, what was her favorite recipes; in a small way I feel like the former owners live on when I use the things I have acquired at flea markets and thrift stores. I would much rather have my favorite bowls end up with a woman I may never know who will love them as much as I did then sitting in a closet somewhere unused and unloved.