Valentine’s Day. It’s certainly a polarizing holiday. Don’t you think? People who are in love adore it. People in broken relationships abhor it. And kids love it because it’s a chance to exchange cards and goodies with their friends at school.
One of my fondest school memories was making those shoebox valentine mailboxes. Do you remember those? I had so much fun cutting out hearts and pasting them on the boxes. Of course finishing the whole thing off with a generous dusting of glitter. Everything is better with glitter.
Then on the big day, we’d walk around stuffing our valentines into our friend’s boxes. Back then the valentines were simple. No candy attached. No necklaces. No pencils. Just a simple folded piece of paper with a sticker sealing it shut.
Almost as exciting as the exchange was the class party. One big sugar fest of yumminess. Cupcakes, pretzels, chips. Nary a fruit platter or veggies tray in sight.
Different times for sure.
Nowadays there are restrictions in the schools about what foods can be brought in and shared. Some classrooms prohibit any treats at all which means that children can only send in cards and trinkets. The holiday sort of loses something without the heart shaped cookies and treats. Am I the only one who feels this way?
But here’s the greater thing, what used to be an affordable holiday has turned into a more expensive affair.
As I watched my daughters spill out their loot when they got home, I saw necklaces, rings and other trinkets. And if you keep in mind that each child has to bring in enough gifts/valentines for every child in the class, you are talking a much more expensive venture than the folded up pieces of paper from our day.
So, here’s what I want to talk about today. What did your child bring in as valentines? A simple card or something more elaborate. Does your school allow kids to exchange treats with their cards? Did your child have a class party with goodies or is that prohibited in your school?
Am I the only one who thinks that Valentine’s Day has gotten far too politically correct and complicated?
I know that’s a lot to ask for in a comment. So, comment on whatever. I just want to gauge what’s going on around the country and how you feel about this topic.
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Good morning Melanie! Happy Valentine’s Day to you! Well, it certainly is polarizing as you state. My kids are older but I remember it as you describe, simple exchange of plain Valentine’s with nothing too crazy. Treats encouraged and accepted by the teachers or even brought in by them. No restrictions or rules on the treats back then – the good ole’ days for sure!! I feel your pain with all the rules and regulations today!! Yes, WAY to politically correct for me!
The joy sure feels stripped away. All things in moderation as they say.
I think the new rules on food in classroom stinks! There is no food allowed for anything in school except lunch and the 1 scheduled snack time. Not even healthy snacks such as fruit bowls, cheese etc. They are also not allowed to send in any trinkets, etc. I live in same community as you so I guess the rules differ by school because my kids could not bring anything other than a card – no candy, pencil, trinkets attached. If a kid did bring somehting in they were not allowed to distribute it to their class mates. No party – just walk around and slip your valentine in the folder for your classmates. Then folders were put in backpacks so kids could look at them at home. I can understand the restrictions on birthdays because with 26 kids in a class that is a lot of cookies, cupcakes, etc. but food and holidays go together (I think) and it seems a little sad to me that they can’t have some little celebration. I’m talking about elementary school aged kids too not the older kids. We never got into giving trinkets in the past. I tried to encourage homemade valentines and some years they would make a bookmark to give out but usually just a valentine.
Well, let me tell you. The rules differ class to class. And it does stink. Some teachers throw parties and others do not. And it’s wrong and hurtful for the kids in the same school to see differing rules. Try explaining that one to siblings who are in the same school when they hear that one had a day of fun and treats while the other did not. Sigh. Something has got to give. They are taking one of the simple joys out of the classroom.
I never start anything I don’t want to continue with so I tend to keep things very simple. I designed custom valentine’s in photoshop with each kids name on them. I designed it so that there were two side by side on a 5×7 print and after I picked them up from Costco I cut them in half. One mom said they were the best valentine’s she’d ever seen
I did go into the class for an hour to help with some activities and brought everyone a bead necklace. You know, like the mardi gras beads? I was really overwhelmed by what they brought home. Some people must have really spent a lot of money on the candy filled bags for everyone (22 in their class). Their school has no restrictions on food so they had cupcakes in class that another mother brought in.
That is so interesting. Our school has eliminated all sweets and treats because they said it was “state mandated”. I need to do some research. This sounds like it’s either not being followed by all districts or it’s flat out not true.
Annabelle (my 7 year old) had an ice cream party in her class which I thought was cute. They still got to exchange cards also. She took in Puss in Boots cards plus a small thing of starbursts on each one. My son has his party today (1/2 day 3x a week prek) and he is taking cards with candy also but they aren’t really having a party. I know there will still basically be one but not officially. His class is actually not allowed to bring anything homemade or out of the package to school
Missy, are you from MA? Sounds like your kids had (and will have in your son’s case) a wonderful day.
nope we are in upstate ny about a stones throw away from Canada (seriously I can see it from the street in front of my house on the other side of the St. Lawrence river lol). Yeah we just got done with my son’s and I am pooped out! so is he
awww shoebox valentine mailboxes…. I remember them! <3 I personally like Valentines Day, I didn't really mind it when I was single either. haha
I like it too. It’s just that one of my girls had a great day while the other did not due to differing rules in the school Blah.
I’m in MA and my daughters school has the same state mandate of pretty much no food besides lunch and snack. I believe the mandate is actually in effect for next year, but some schools chose to implement it earlier. That being said, my daughter came home with an awful lot of candy, for a school that you are not suppossed to bring food to! We sent in cards with stickers. They also did not get a party. They decorated envelopes in the morning as part of their centers and then went around and put the valentines in everyones envelopes in the afternoon. My son is still in preschool and they do not celebrate any holidays, which is good beacuse if one got a party and the other didn’t, I’d be hearing about it for days!
With a little digging I found out that our district implemented it earlier but clearly teachers are making their own choice as to whether they follow that rule or not. What a mess.
my dd is still in preschool and we just did the folded card. i didn’t want to start doing something big and expensive with my son starting school next year too(40+ things to do is not my idea of fun). they had a party and made cookies as a class. no idea what the elementary school here does but since she’s never done anything big, she won’t know the difference.
You are smart. It’s better to not start something you can’t keep up for future kids. Wisdom indeed!
My 2nd grader brought Scooby Valentines with a lollipop attached. My 5th grader just brought blow pops to hand out. The 2nd grader’s teacher made cookies for them and the 5th grader’s teacher made cupcakes for them. I think that was their “parties”. Which I think was fine. It was nice of their teachers to make a treat for a them and they were both happy. We don’t have any food rules at our school. If a teacher has a child with a severe food allergy they usually just send something home at the beginning of the year telling us what is not allowed for snack (since they eat in the room). Normally that is just peanut butter.
Sounds pretty reasonable to me Kris. It’s better to tell what’s restricted than banning everything entirely.
We’ve lived all around the US (FL, MT, CO, NE, VA, and now Louisiana) and found inconsistency from class to class within each school as you have. It does make it hard on the kids without the “fun” teacher/class.
My daughter is now a high school senior and hasn’t had class valentines since elementary school, but there’s always a school group selling Valentine candy packs for a fundraiser, where you pay like a $1 and then a treat with your note is delivered to friends. Because she’s a girl, she’s also made little treats some years to give to her closest friends.
Most middle schools and high schools have rotating classes, which makes it a little more difficult to plan holiday parties, but I do think they are very common in elementary schools still (although the kids rotate classes in elementary school now here as well).
My son is now in 5th grade and I still recall in the past receiving a class list of everyone’s name and the requirement that if your student were sending in any Valentines at all, they had to send one for EACH child. We generally would purchase some commercial cards and attach a packaged candy as well. This year, no note with names (I think there are even confidentiality rules now!), but we sent in Jolly Rancher lollipops with a sticker attached saying “Happy Valentine’s Day from your friend, XXXXXX). The kids were told they could bring stuff, but didn’t need to. My son’s haul was much smaller this year, so obviously not everyone participated. My son told me some people brought more elaborate gifts just for their “special Valentines” (at the 5th grade level!!!).
We have been in the situation before where my son had an allergy that kept him from eating almost anything without my review and absolutely everything that wasn’t packaged with an ingredient label that could be checked for hidden allergens. Yes, it was sad for him when he had to forgo the cookies, brownies, ice cream or cupcakes, but he always had a special dessert-type snack he could have at those times. That’s the way all his teachers have always handled it. I know he’s been in classes where there were children with peanut allergies and some who couldn’t have juice pouches because of dyes. It is sad for these kids, especially when something else allowable could have easily been substituted, but it is unfair to limit the other students and impose restrictions on the parents (in my opinion, and again that’s from the parent of a kid who couldn’t eat most of the stuff sent in). Our last elementary school, in Virginia, was on the way to completely banning peanut butter — including in the cafeteria — when we left. My son would have starved without PB&J as a lunch option.
Clearly things vary across the country. Living in Massachusetts, we seem to be the state that paves the way for laws. Good ones or bad ones. This law banning treats in school is a bad one in my opinion. Let the parents decide what’s good for their own kids. Not the schools or government. It’s not their place to make those decisions.
I sent Toy Story pencils and suckers with my oldest (Kinder) but they were 90% Target Valentines from last year. And my youngest (preschool) took a sticker and tattoo in each card ($1 section packages I cut apart). So we kept it reasonable. I am not sure how 1st grade will be next year (at a different school) but I guess I definitely need to think about possible food restrictions.
That’s the way to do it. Get the stuff on clearance. I agree. My bigger issue is the banning of class parties. It just seems to wipe out one of the joys of childhood.
I love Valentine’s Day, because I love making special treats and handmade cards for my kids to distribute. However, this year my 5th grader son decided he just wanted to give out candy, so I am dying for my daughter to start kindergarden. For the past two years my son’s classes never have parties. Before this they used to celebrate everything. I really liked it, because we could go to the parties!
Last I actually got in trouble via email from my son’s teacher because I sent in cupcakes on his birthday. Apparently, we were only allowed to send in a healthy snack on the last Friday of the month. I had a really really hard time responding to that email in a respectful, adult like manner. LOL.
Lol, I totally hear you. This year I had an incident with one teacher. I wanted to fly off the handle because I think she was totally in the wrong. No, I take that back, I know for certain she didn’t handle the problem appropriately. It’s hard to be respectful when you feel offended, isn’t it? You did a good job.
My kids are out of grammar school but they weren’t allowed to bring treats towards the end of their school years there and it was ridiculous. I can understand about home baked goods but they couldn’t even bring wrapped treats. And I thought it was so hypocritical to then try to sell cookie dough and chocolate bars to make money for the school. They banned “fun lunches” in the name of health but I always thought that was dumb as kids should learn moderation in what they eat.
Agreed! Let the kids learn about moderation and let the PARENTS teach that lesson. It’s not for the teachers, principals, superintendents or state governments to teach. What are they going to govern next? Sort of scary.
Recently retired, but know that some teachers in our 4th-5th grade school have students write a compliment about each classmate on a strip of paper instead of a valentine and they are treasured keepsakes. Teachers have to be creative about if/how they can use classroom time to decorate shoeboxes because of “time on learning” and No Child Left Behind regulations (state mandate on food in classrooms isn’t the only “villain”.) Not sure how I feel about how things have changed–far cry from when I grew up in the 60s, but I remember hurt feelings, too–think Charlie Brown. However, maybe that is “character building?” Definitely think parents/schools need to get away from the commercialism of all the “presents” that come with the valentines. Such a sad commentary on how we need to “buy” someone’s friendship/affection. How much harder it is for parents like you, Melanie, than it was for me. Good for you to raise the issue and hope other blogs pick up the thread.
I love that. Shannon’s teacher did something similar this year and I just love the message she was trying to get across. Really, her teacher made me smile when I saw the homework assignment which was for each kid to write a letter to another student about what they liked about them. Such a positive message.
Also, I hear you about the “buying friends” issue. I’m ashamed to admit I’ve tried that tactic on behalf of one of my kids and it didn’t work. A hard life lesson for sure.
Parenting can be hard.
My kids go to FF and both classes were told that whatever they brought in could not be food or candy. I sent in silly straws with a card attached. (6 for .97 at Walmart- I spent less than $4 per class).
Good idea. I wish I had thought of that. But I can assure you that our district is not being consistent with the no treats rule. Parents are talking in the background and comparing notes and they are not consistent. And let the record state that I’m on the side of allowing treats in moderation.
As a fourth grade teacher, I do NOT like Valentine’s Day. The kiddos are allowed to bring in whatever they want to pass out, but we do not have a party of any kind. I did have a student bring in cookies for the class, but I made her pass them out at lunch. Most of my kiddos passed out candy and cards but a few didn’t bring anything. I teach in a very low income area, so that’s to be expected.
In my mom’s county, they have put the kibosh on anything that isn’t healthy. So no students are allowed to bring in candy to pass out or cookies.
That’s how it is in NC at least!
I can see how this would be an issue in a low income area. Some parents cannot afford anything extra. It would be really tough to be the one kid who couldn’t bring in valentines to share.
I remember the shoeboxes as well and I loved them! I have three older married children who enjoyed Valentine’s parties every year at school. I remember one year when my son (who is now 25 with two small children of his own) was in first grade. He brought home his bag of little folded Valentine’s and wanted me to read them to him every night instead of a bedtime story. He cherished those little cards and I will never forget that. My youngest son is in 5th grade this year. He took in little Valentine packets of pop rocks with Phineus and Ferb on them. The only rule was that they had to bring one for everyone in the class. They had an ice cream party. His teacher brought in the ice cream and parents supplied paper goods, toppings and juice. Some parents sent in little bags of candies and there were a few trinkets, but mostly just good old folded cards. With so much negative crap going on, I wish people could just let kids be kids and enjoy the simpler things in life. It is amazing what a little cheap piece of paper can mean to a kid. all these rules and mandates are taking the fun out of childhood. My youngest goes to middle school next year, no parties there, so I am happy he was able to enjoy the holiday this year. I don’t think an occasional cupcake or scoop of ice cream is a bad thing in school.
Oh do I hear you. Not for nothing, but I grew up with parties, junk food, soda, etc. I turned out just fine. Do I struggle with my weight now and again? Sure, who doesn’t? But that’s my own issue, not the school’s and certainly not the government’s. You’re right. The occasional cupcake or scoop of ice cream is not a bad thing. And for the kids who have allergies, they can have a substitution. I’m glad your kids escaped the BS.
Hi melanie!
I live in MA and I have not heard of any state mandate prohibiting treats. I am a classroom aide and the kids had heart shaped cookies, cupcakes with sprinkles and pink frosting, brownies, fruit and veggie platter with dip for their party. This is at an elementary school and most classes had about the same. It did take up a large chunk of the day ( the party and distributing the valentines) so the teachers weren’t thrilled given all the work they have to fit in, but they all had fun. As far as the loot went, nothing too elaborate ( card and candy).
Be watching for the new rules Kim. They start next year. Oy.
My daughter is in P2 at a small private church school so there are only 8 other children in her class. She brought little baggies for each classmate with a twisty straw and 5 Hershey hugs that said “Your hugs make me loopy”. We filled one of those insulated cups with straw and lid with Hugs and Kisses to give to her teacher. (Teachers can’t live on apples alone, they need hugs and kisses too!) Pinterest ideas and the total cost for everything was about $12. Each child also signed up to bring a treat for their party (apple slices, chips, cookies, sandwiches, drinks, etc) My two year old received from her classmates: a pencil, a temporary tattoo, a few lollypops (one homemade), a Smore’s kit (from the other Mom who stalks Pinterest!), and two plain valentine cards. Incidentally, my daughter who was ONE last year at Valentine’s received a pencil from a classmate as well. I’m not sure if the other kids are already doing cursive handwriting at 1 and 2 years old or what! hahaha!
I have one in 2nd grade and 1 in 4th, which 4th grade is up in the “middle school”…….. well my 4th grader had a party and the 2nd grader didn’t, which I found ODD!!!!!! Both did celebrate a bit and kids brought in cards and TONS and TONS of candy!!!! one girl brought in full size candy bars for everyone in her class!
We made candy cane heart “pops” filled with chocolate and sugar sprinkles.
my girls had so much fun making them and we got the candy canes on clearance so it wasn’t tooooo expensive. but I do have to say the bags for them, ribbon, pop sticks, and chocolate added up but wasn’t horrible. But to be honest I really had a great time spending the time and making them with the kids so it was worth it.
And we are allowed to bring in sweets and treats in to both of my girls schools.
My 3k son brought Cars valentines and Glow sticks. We are a nut free school (several kids withmild to moderate allergies) which pretty much eliminates chocolates, and I didnt think Fun Dip was a good idea for a dozen 3 year olds. Half the kids gave candy (mostly suckers and one ring pop), the other half did trinkets. I think the trinkets are geared more toward girls, and there isnt a great selection.
Like @Karen I buy my Valentine’s Day cards at Target the year before at a deep discount. My kindergartner gave away Hello Kitty cards with Hello Kitty pencils for the girls and Star Wars cards with Star Wars Pencils for the boys.
We were asked not to bring any food with the Valentines.
I remember the shoebox. I don’t know if times were simpler then or my mind was simpler then…..
When my son was in elementary school at The ParkmSchool in Brookline, the valentines were made in class and placed in a big box made by the students. A nice way to ensure that everyone received valentines and lots of fun to design them.
When I was in fifth and sixth grade, I attended a small parochial school in northern California. My classroom was huge and contained grades five to eight. Imagine! We made a huge valentine box, decorated extravagantly with hearts and paper lace. Everyone brought little valentines addressed to our classmates. The distribution was so exciting. I adored that large class of fifty students, and I was one year ahead of my seventh grade public school classmates when I transferred. We had many class parties, too. It was the best of times back in the late 50′s.
I think its insane that every holiday now revolves around food.My preschooler came home with more candy cracker juice then i would give him in weeks.It makes an ackward fight when they get home to try in set a limit on them.The cards is enough it puts the children in a situation were they think the need to have a treat for everything/holiday.
That’s a shame some classrooms ban sweets. I appreciated it as a kid when my classroom had holiday parties with cupcakes and candy. As an adult I can see why candy would be banned in school. Twenty-something kids in a shrieking sugar rush would take a while to sober up to focus on lessons and also be a migraine for the teacher and assistants.
We did the Target heart gummies that they had out this year. For the cards, I found some at the dollar spot, and my daughter cut out and decorated paper hearts to attach to each one. My son just got the names on the cards and called it good, lol! But I agree, a lot of the specialness of the day has been taken over by an odd combination of commercialism on the one hand, and aversion to red dye/nuts/sugar/pretty much anything consumable on the other hand. I’m sure I fret more about the holiday than my parents did!!
Manomet Elem. seemed to have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” valentine policy. I sent in candy with cards for my kids and they didn’t get sent back home like I heard happened in other schools in town!
I’m sure my opinion will not be in the majority, but I think it’s awful how now each holiday comes with its own gifts and special foods. Trinkets for Valentine’s day, a gift basket for Easter, a “theme” party for birthdays, and let’s not forget Christmas ! It’s too much for me.I really feel companies are pushing all this holiday themed food and made in China plastic junk so that every year it gets worse and worse. Every occasion does not need to be celebrated with a gift or special foods. And I really don’t understand why I’d have to provide candy for the whole classroom.All these gifts set up an expectation in the kids, and I feel that they will always expect gifts or sweets at every occasion. And then when they grow up, they might become adults who reward themselves with material things at every occasion. Anyway, that’s my point of view and how I do it with my family , of course I respect everyone’s opinion !
“And then when they grow up, they might become adults who reward themselves with material things at every occasion.”
If they’re paying the bills and making sure any pets they have have their needs met, those people can set some fun money aside for their hobbies/interests. They need to keep in mind that their money has got to go towards necessities first.
There’s a lot of truth, and statements I can agree with, in your post, Marie Christine. Thanks for speaking up!
I’m honestly not a fan. My kids took plain cards because that’s what they wanted. I would have bought the ones with treats…and that’s almost exclusively what they received. Luckily our school has limited parties to 2 a year so there’s no sugar on valentines except that they take home…no eating at school. But I think every holiday is out of hand now. And don’t get me started on goodie bags at birthday parties
While it might be hard to explain to children, this is part of life and growing up. Having older children, I’ve been through things like this in the past. There is no easy way to explain. Going forward, things will happen in life, with jobs and relationships. It’s a hard lesson to learn. I can’t imagine trying to explain it to a little kid. People, parents and teachers try to do the right thing (hopefully). Some give more, some give less…or not at all- it depends on the situation you are in and your beliefs. I think it comes from the heart regardless. I believe people do what they think is right. Commercialism is here to stay unfortunately.
I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone with this.
Holy cow you guys are insightful. I’ll comment back tomorrow. I went to a crazy sale today that I’m going to write about soon. It totally wiped me out. Such a great story coming up, but for right now I’m crashing hard. xoxoxo
My 11 yr old had a ice cream party in his class and kids still passed out valentines cards & treats. My 8 yr old had a cookie party in her class, a few parents went in and helped kids decorate (heart shaped )cookies and they too had cards & treats. They both enjoyed thier day but came home a little high on sugar, lol
One thing I have noticed though, is that the valentines cards keep getting more fancy every year and more kids bring in home made cards as well.
My kids ended up making their own Valentine’s and pairing it with a lollipop. They can give candy but just not eat it at school. They had the option to buy Valentine’s as well but I like homemade better. I think this year the school policy was perfect!
My son took Valentine’s cards and glow bracelets (found em in the Target Dollar Spot – score!) and he brought home lots of candy, tattoos, and stickers. Most of the candy “disappeared” but I haven’t even been asked about it since. I love the non food trinkets! I do agree with the no sweets thing. We have stopped eating refined white sugar and are eating only whole foods. I really hate to tell my son that he shouldn’t eat cupcakes because they aren’t healthy but then he sees everyone else eating them. The ones I make at home are made from good, wholesome ingredients (yes, I’m one of “those moms”) when the store bought ones have very unhealthy things in them.
Oh, and before anyone says, “It’s only one day, let the kid be a kid!” It’s not just one day. It’s a holiday party once a month at school with treats or greasy pizza, it’s 20-30 birthday parties a year with treats, it’s ball games with sweets and junk too. Enough with the junk. Serve some popcorn or heart shaped fruit or even applesauce for goodness sakes! Read the labels of what you’re putting in your body everyday.
I agree with the above comment about commercialism as well. my goal is to take to emphasis off the stuff and put more on the being together and the real reason for each holiday for my boys. For example, for Christmas they each get 1 toy gift and 1 book from us, 1 from Santa, and 1 from each set of grandparents. No need to buy huge amounts of things. it’s bad for the budget, our kids, and the earth. Plastic stuff is taking over the planet. Activities make great gifts!
Ok, off the pulpit now.