Way back in the way back when I was busy hatching offspring, I never thought very far ahead with this whole large family thing. All I could envision was this fictional happy family that would all get along and play Scrabble together.
Sure, there would be the occasional squabble. But really, any offspring of mine would be highly civilized and thoughtful. There would be peace, love, harmony and respect in the house. A reasonable expectation. Yes?
The reality is that I think all four kids are trying to drive me into a nervous breakdown.
Today I’d like to share with you the three things that just might send me to the funny farm.
The Toothpaste Tube.
For some mind boggling reason my kids cannot use toothpaste in a responsible fashion. A reasonable human being would squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom up. I mean, it’s logical, right? Start your way from the bottom and work your way up.
But no. Not only do my kids violate this basic rule of toothpaste philosophy, they mangle and twist the crap out of it. Which means that if I want to get any toothpaste out, I have to unmangle it, smooth it out and try to roll the thing up in order to eek out whatever toothpaste is left in the tube.
Maddening.
Paper Products
They also have issues with paper goods. No one, and I do mean no one, ever replaces the paper towels when we run out. And do you want to know when I usually discover this? When I’m working with raw chicken or pork, of course.
Their paper replacing aversion carries right on into the bathroom. This too I usually discover during inopportune times. Like when I’m on the second story after they’ve all left for school. I can almost hear them giggling on the bus.
Sock Bombs
But the worst offender? The sock bombs. Those rolled up socks that were previously soaked in sweat and God knows what else. Now they are dried up petrified crunchy pieces of cotton that I have to peel apart like a 100 year old fruit roll up. Gag. Four kids, with two feet each, times seven days in a week. That’s a lot of nasty rolled up crunchy socks.
And while I’m thinking about it, do you have a young girl? Does she peel her pants off so that her underwear and pants stay as one? Yeah, I have an issue with that too.
So, there you have it. My biggest kid pet peeves. I’m pretty sure that if these behaviors were remedied, I’d be a much happier well-balanced human being. Maybe.
How about you? Do your little ones make you nuts with any of these behaviors? Or are my kids truly heathens?
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I hate to admit that your kids are pretty normal and that they don’t really learn to clean up after themselves until they are off on their own and other peoples behavior impinges on their own sense of propriety. Then they finally start to evaluate and modify their own behavior. You do get to enjoy visiting and messing with their toothpaste and paper products!!
Sock Bombs, yes. Good to know I’m not alone.
We have the same issues in our house! I have my OWN toothpaste, though. I figure for a few cents, it’s worth the peace I get when I can squeeze the tube the “right” way. =)
Although they are not the same issues I still have issues. My teenage daughter thinks that the clothes on her floor are going to walk down the steps and throw themselves in the laundry to be washed. And when they are washed and folded, I don’t think it’s too much to ask for her to take them upstairs and put them away. Are you kidding? She’ll walk up and down the stairs ten times a day until I throw out some threatening words about not going to the movies or something similar until she puts her clothes away. And the worse part of all that…sometimes she’ll take clean clothes from the pile and go shower, but not take the rest and put them away first, which usually leaves some neatly folded clothes in desperate need of refolding. Phew! Had to get that one out. So glad you opened the rant and rave door this evening…lol.
It’s not just kids, my husband is guilty of all those things too. And, he not only removes his pants like your girls, but the sock bombs remain in the legs of said pants on the bedroom floor. Mind boggling to be sure!
AH! My 6 year old (a girl, of course) manages to take off her socks, pants/tights/leggings AND underwear all at once! It drives me CRAZY!
The underwear attached to the jeans! Ugh! Glad to know I’m not alone!
Each member of our family has his/her own toothpaste. I can’t imagine squeezing toothpaste onto my brush if it has touched someone else’s germy toothbrush. Now if I could only get everyone to put. soiled clothing into the hamper NOT inside out and in knots!
Hahaha! This is my house as well! And I only have 2…Of course, one of those is 3 and in the midst of the terrible 2-4 stage, so I much prefer sock bombs and undie-pant combos than the tantrums she’s been throwing. Also: This is why EVERYONE in my house has their own toothpaste tube.
My biggest pet peeve is using the floor as a hamper or trash can instead of the recepticles that were designed to handle these messes. And …… the sock bombs.
oh my gosh. just this morning I was thinking that my boy had come up with THE worst way of squeezing his toothpaste out. glad to know he’s not the only one. crazy!
Im laying here at 1;45 am cracking up almost crying. No, not cause I have kids and can relate. But because I do the underwear and jeans things and it drives my husband NUTS! You know what? I’m a grown up with my own mortgage and if I want to leave my jeans nd undies combo wherever they fall at the end of a long day, so be it! I should probably stop before I have kids though… And hubby? Don’t worry – he pays me back with those aforementioned sock bombs. So we’re even.
All of the above. I used to tell them that I would come to their house one day and do the same to them. This would work for a while.
My mother used to tell me that she would come to my house some day and wiggle her butt all over the sofa until the afghan was a mangled mess and the springs were all broken from jumping on it. I told my kids the same thing.
That is my biggest pet peeve, jumping on the sofa. We went through at least 4 sofas when our boys were growing up. Our sofa since they moved out seems to be lasting forever.
Almost forgot. Here’s something you can do that will remedy the toilet paper issue. Keep the empty roll. After you use the bathroom, put it back on the dispenser and “walk away”. I found that a good time to do this is when they are fidgeting outside the bathroom asking you to hurry up.
Love this idea!
Ha ha. It’s my husband that’s the problem. I keep my own toothpaste separate from his because he does the same thing plus he gets it all over the top of the tube and it grosses me out. He also has issues with replacing toilet paper. (I was happy to let my kids not replace it because I was always afraid of the holder pulling out of the wall.) Sock bombs, socks dropped in the middle of the floor. I feel your pain. T shirts left inside sweatshirts put in hamper (if they find the hamper) problematic. I assume he was the same way as a kid. It drives me batty. That being said, I think your kids are normal. However, my husband is 45. Not normal
My daughter does the undie in the jeans but carries it further by taking off her dance clothes (tights, leotard, shorts)with her jeans so everything is a tangled mess.
My boys take their socks off on the couch and they get tucked in the cushions so when I clean up there is a family of sock bombs.
Everyone has their own toothpaste since they can’t agree on flavor, type and she doesn’t want them touching her stuff. They use the small ones that the dentist gives and everyone is happy.
My, my, you have touched a sensitive chord with this post Melanie! My teenage daughter also left her clothes in piles and seemed to think they magically took themselves to the washing machine and magically folded themselves. When asked, she would put them away though! She is off at college now and learning to cope and do the laundry herself! Amazing!
Love it!!! My kids do the same thing. The pants/underwear in one is a standard when going through laundry. Not only do they leave their laundry on the floor but the floor of the bathroom as well. I solved the toothpaste by giving each their own.
Sometimes it helps just knowing we’re all fighting the same battles! I recently had a friend come use my washer & dryer while they were living in their camper waiting for their house to be finished. As she was sorting laundry & pulling undies off of pants and unrolling crunchy sock bombs, I just started laughing. It may make us crazy, but we’ll have friends in the loony bin, right?
We solve the toothpaste issue the same as other commenters-everyone has their own tube, including Mom & Dad.
My #1 pet peeve is the worst, and very gross. When I go in the kids’ bathroom & there are bits of used toilet paper on the floor that I know came from enthusiastic wiping. Yuck-who do they think cleans that up? I especially love when I don’t get it all cleaned up before a friend needs to use the facilities.
Yes, my kids do it too. I even broke down and purchased a toothpaste squeezer. I took it to the toothpaste tubes and inserted it myself to get them started. I think it keeps the men in white coats from taking me to the asylum.
The clothing issue is a pain. My oldest will take a shower before bed, change into clean clothing and in the morning he changes everything again. Even underwear that has barely been on. Leaves his clothing on the floor NEXT to his hamper, the sock bombs are somehow inside the pants and underwear. Completely sympathize with you.
SOCK BOMBS!! That’s ok.. Paybacks are coming.. I like u have one that will be off to college this fall so he will have to pick up his own socks… Just the other day I sorted thru 2 half filled laundry baskets of orphaned socks.. I can only imagine how many clothes will be left all over campus this fall as right now he could probably go to any friends house and stay for a week and be fully clothed.. That being said, we will probably at one point miss all those little bombs!!
Years ago I saw a refrigerator magnet that said: By the time your children are fit to live with…they live with someone else. I promptly bought it for my dad!
You completely described my children .. Glad to know I am not alone …
1. I hate to admit but that’s how my toothpaste tube looks! My hubby and son likes to squeeze from the bottom up. Not me!
2. I just replaced the PAPER towel roll before I sat down to read your blog! LOL!
3. I just replaced the TOILET paper roll before I sat down to read your blog! LOL!
4. I think that I am sitting on one of my son’s stinky basketball socks!
You are not alone Melanie!
This made me laugh out loud- my kids are guilty of ALL of these too! The socks have driven me to the point where I now refuse to fix them. If they toss them in the laundry like that, they get them back like that. For the most part, they don’t like wearing still damp, balled up socks so they have stopped… Except for the boy.. ugh.
He also enjoys taking off all of his layers at once, so I have a stack of tshirt-longsleeved shirt- and sweatshirt all inside of each other. Fuun!
The socks drive me crazy too. I finally have had enough. So my kids now have lingerie bags with their names on them only for socks. If the socks aren’t in the bag they don’t get washed. I’m hoping this will cut down on orphans as well. My kids also can’t take off clothing without turning every item inside out. Grrrr. And finally wrappers. Food wrappers and bags and napkins and open bags of pretzels and goldfish everywhere. Drives me batty!
You just left me with my husband wondering why I randomly shouted YES for no apparent reason.
YES, my six year old totally peels off her pants and undies like that! Drives me crazy.
My husband is awful with the sock bombs, especially after he goes on bike rides and they are extra super sweaty. Since he also does the laundry, you’d think that he’d unravel his now dried sweaty sock bombs before putting them in the washer. NOPE. So then the clean clothes get dried (sock bombs still intact), and when it comes time to fold the clothes, the sock bombs get unfolded, and are still crunchy and stinky in the middle. GROSS.
This post cracked me up. The empty toilet paper roll drives me crazy. But I think this one makes me want to scream the loudest; they finish eating something and put the plate and glass on the counter- when the dishwasher is directly below the counter. Ahhh…I asked if they all had a fear of opening the dishwasher! Another favorite is the wrapper (of whatever) on the counter rather than in the trash.
Wait until your college child comes home and sleeps until supper time and stays up all night. That’s not all! My son makes himself a meal at 4:00 a.m. and wakes up the new puppy and ruins the nice schedule we’ve created for him. The same child never fails to leave the bathroom hand towel on the sink instead of hanging it back up (two inches away). Did I mention the layer of dirty clothes all over his bedroom floor? Uggh! I feel your pain!
all of the above and argh! let’s not forget the shampoo river in the tub after a shower. how can u not see the bottle in the tub,open and creating the creek, soon to be river of slippery madness…???!!!! my babies are not babies anymore, my youngest is 16! sock bombs and the underwear in the jeans seem to be on her list of things to make my mom mad priority list. my son lives in the refrigerator and holy crap, the other day, he just forgot to close it. how did he get to be 18? open it, close it. simple rules really. griping over, they are my pride and joy and for sure my ticket into heaven for letting them live this long.
I have to tell you ladies, I’m DYING over here. I haven’t laughed this hard in such a long time. I had no idea that so many of us shared the sock bomb issue. So fruit loopin’ funny. I guess we are all in this sinking ship together, giggle. Thanks for the laugh!!!
It’s sad to say but my 25 year old fiance has the same sock problem as your children do. He’s also very good at leaving his socks and underwear inside his jeans so when I do laundry (because he sucks at it) I have to untangle the mess… Oh yes & double check his pockets so money, receipts and his phone (it’s happened more than once)..do NOT go through the washer. He also has a toilet paper issue…he can’t seem to figure out how to put a new roll on so he just sets it on top of the empty roll. But he can cook and bake…so I guess he’s a keeper.