Way back in the way back when I was busy hatching offspring, I never thought very far ahead with this whole large family thing. All I could envision was this fictional happy family that would all get along and play Scrabble together.
Sure, there would be the occasional squabble. But really, any offspring of mine would be highly civilized and thoughtful. There would be peace, love, harmony and respect in the house. A reasonable expectation. Yes?
The reality is that I think all four kids are trying to drive me into a nervous breakdown.
Today I’d like to share with you the three things that just might send me to the funny farm.
The Toothpaste Tube.
For some mind boggling reason my kids cannot use toothpaste in a responsible fashion. A reasonable human being would squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom up. I mean, it’s logical, right? Start your way from the bottom and work your way up.
But no. Not only do my kids violate this basic rule of toothpaste philosophy, they mangle and twist the crap out of it. Which means that if I want to get any toothpaste out, I have to unmangle it, smooth it out and try to roll the thing up in order to eek out whatever toothpaste is left in the tube.
They also have issues with paper goods. No one, and I do mean no one, ever replaces the paper towels when we run out. And do you want to know when I usually discover this? When I’m working with raw chicken or pork, of course.
Their paper replacing aversion carries right on into the bathroom. This too I usually discover during inopportune times. Like when I’m on the second story after they’ve all left for school. I can almost hear them giggling on the bus.
But the worst offender? The sock bombs. Those rolled up socks that were previously soaked in sweat and God knows what else. Now they are dried up petrified crunchy pieces of cotton that I have to peel apart like a 100 year old fruit roll up. Gag. Four kids, with two feet each, times seven days in a week. That’s a lot of nasty rolled up crunchy socks.
And while I’m thinking about it, do you have a young girl? Does she peel her pants off so that her underwear and pants stay as one? Yeah, I have an issue with that too.
So, there you have it. My biggest kid pet peeves. I’m pretty sure that if these behaviors were remedied, I’d be a much happier well-balanced human being. Maybe.
How about you? Do your little ones make you nuts with any of these behaviors? Or are my kids truly heathens?